It was raining and dark. I opened the door and ran outside. I did not know what else to do. I did not once think where I was heading or what I would do next. I just ran into the darkness, my clothes drenched in raindrops. I ran until I was out of breath. Then I stopped and stood still. I looked around, I had no idea where I was. A chill ran along my spine.
I was trembling of fear and cold. I was afraid to take another step but I was too afraid to stay there the whole night. With heavy feet, I dragged myself a few blocks towards the direction, I thought I would meet the main road. A few more blocks and I could see lights. I took a deep breath as I could recognize the street. A couple of cars would pass by me, speakers on full volume, men swearing and singing loudly. I stood still and pressed myself against the shop walls now closed, hoping I would be invisible. Sometimes I would walk normally pretending I was just reaching home and fearless.
I still did not know where to go but I hoped to enter a pharmacy or a shop that would be open. My feet marched towards a pharmacy near the street that lead to my home. When I reached there, I found that it was closed. I wiped my lenses with the tiny dry end of my scarf and peered over the schedule posted on the entrance. I looked at the time on my mobile, it said 9. I did not understand why it was closed so early when it says it would be open till 10 p.m. Most of all, I felt betrayed because I had hoped to linger there for a while til I knew where I should go.
Had it been a clear day, I would have stood on the street for hours without a fuss but it was night and raining incessantly. It is amazing how the same place turns out so unsafe in a matter of few hours. I could not keep myself alone there few more minutes let alone whole night.
I texted an apology and consoled myself to return my guilty conscience home. It was a foreign land. He was my only family and my only contact. Where could I go? In the rush, I had left my passport and money back I was living recently. I had no choice but to swallow my shame and return from where I had run.
As I approached my temporary abode, which I call home now, I clutched my mobile tight in my hands, looking on the screen frequently, so that I would not miss a call in case he would call. I would take turns peeking into the darkness and my phone, hoping there would be signs of him. But in vain. I stood outside the house just close enough to peek inside. I saw him cooking in the kitchen without a worry in the world. If someone else had seen him, they would agree. I felt something breaking inside me. I was not wanted but there I was, hoping.........
I could not go inside. I took a turn and went to the porch on the back of the house, just alongside the kitchen. I waited there for what felt like hours. I waited for him to realize that I had left home, that he would at least be concerned it was night and raining and most of all, I was alone in a foreign country without a dime or identity. I looked at the mobile again, it was 10. It had been a little over an hour since I left home and this man who was my better half, was not moved at all.
It was unbearable for me I had done something bad and worse of all, I was caught. But then I had not cheated on him or anything worse for him to completely be okay to lose me in the night. He did not frown as much a millimeter, forget, call me or search for me. I was so worthless in his eyes. Not a tiniest bit of love for me in his heart. Tragedy is, I had nowhere else to go. I returned like a wet kitty, tails in between its legs.
He had not spoken a word with me for two days. I woke up Sunday to an angry spouse. I was not even back to my senses. I did not know what I might have done to him in my sleep to cause him anger. The clueless Sunday passed and I waited another day for him to calm down. He would not eat what I prepared for him and avoided me completely. I was restless and curious what caused this change in his behavior. It had been gloomy on the outside world too. It was raining continuously. I felt distant and his ignoring me saddened me deeply.
On Monday evening, I could not bear it anymore and decided to ask him what was wrong. I opened the bedroom door to find him asleep. So, I waited on the lobby, watching TV, waiting for him to wake up. I was so absorbed, I forgot for an instance, he had woken up and was in the kitchen, wrestling with the utensils. I quickly gathered myself and hurried towards the kitchen.
He was washing dishes. I stood behind him and asked him as gently as possible, "what is wrong? Did I do anything?" He looked at me from the corner of his eyes but did not move an inch. I hugged him from behind, at which he resisted with extreme dislike. At this point, all the waters that were swelling behind my eyes, since the past two days, burst down. He turned back and mumbled something I could not hear with my own crying. I rushed outside the kitchen door, and stopped in between the outside and kitchen doors, trying not to alarm neighbors.
I was on the floor crying. He came after me, grabbed my arm, pulling me through the kitchen towards the lobby. As he pulled, he asked me, "you want to know what you did?" his eyes red with anger. Probably I nodded. "Unlock your phone." "Open Chats". "Don't act". "Open the Chats" I obeyed. I did not know which chat he was referring to, there were many. He pointed towards one. I opened it. It was a conversation I had with my friend a couple of days ago. I scrolled up and down, with him beside me. I was astonished what was in the content and that he had read it. His phone rang.
I could hear him talking on the phone behind me. It was raining and dark. I opened the door and ran outside.
