words or school of thoughts just a little agitation of emotions, some disappointment, a little anger, a few complains and a lot more unrest.Haven't been able to organize my thoughts or train my emotions. The only thing I taught myself over all these years is to put my random thoughts in writing..that is all I have learned. Whenever I was lonely, sad, upset, hurt, angry, mad, disappointed or happy..I have turned to pen and paper and recently typing in this blogger. I write when I am overwhelmed, mostly by negative emotions. It flows like a stream, continuous and I don't have to think what I am going to write, it just comes, oozing like a hot water geyser...for the lack of a better word..I don't want to mull over a word when I have so much to express. Yet I feel so empty but I need to express because without expression I feel out of control, enraged and out of touch.
Small things...they are when I think about it..even now among all this chaotic whirlpool of emotions of rage, once or twice out of nowhere an opposite thought strikes, peeking from behind the feeling of hurt and pain. It says, "forget it you are better than that,don't submit to these negative thoughts!"I can't seem to hold on to them, they fleet very fast,disappearing into thin air just like how they came.
I don't want to be troubled by trivial matters but I can't stop feeling bad..it drags me into this dark hole in an instant but it takes me hours to get out of it.
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